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doomed

sometimes its just too hard to take the trials and tribulations alone and that time is now for me. i wake up not wanting to open my eyes, start a new day...or even talk to anyone. I go to bed feeling like the lonliest soul in the galaxy, knowing that the soul i search for is lightyears away. these feelings that i have....they are the easy way out. i want to know happiness and have a free heart again....i just feel so alone in the journey to that. i'm not one to be such a downer, but i just feel like the weight of the world is too much to bare anymore. it seems like it would be much easier to throw it all away....and so quick. just know that it will all be gone, no worries, regret, guilt, sadness, anger. just let it be taken away. i think about that all the time, and wonder why....i'm not selfish, i know my role here, partially at least...i never thought i'd even hear myself say those words. i never thought i was capable of feeling that way. now that i am, now that i do, i can't shake it. its like no matter how hard i try to get ahead, even if for just a moment, its useless. like someone is just dangling happiness in front of my face and when i go to grab it....just snatches it away. i'm sure everyone goes through times like these....and i'm sure i'll be ok one day....i even try to remind myself of how much worse it could be...usually that snaps me out of a pity trip. not this time....this time i just feel doomed. i feel like i'll be stuck this way forever. never feeling passion, love, or happiness again. that is a life i don't want.

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Comment by Carabella on June 15, 2009 at 10:21pm: kodi you're so good at making me cry! lol. happy tears. thank you and i know i will always have you sister. :) the gentle breeze is always with me as well as the shadow alien and the teddy bear! LMAO. what a group we are! i guess i'm the mermaid. that completes it. having you all in my life, knowing you're there to hold me up when my knees are weak....is such a blessing. i couldn't ask for better friends....i love you all and appreciate you all so much.

Comment by Kodi Jimenez on June 15, 2009 at 8:53am: Love will come to you when you least expect it. The more you conciously look for it, the less likely you are to come across it. Don't ever feel alone, you will always have me. I will stand by you and help you no matter what is going on around you. When you feel at your absolute most lost time in your life, look to me as your guide and compass to lead you back on the right path. Do not ever let someone get you down in life. You are your own strength, and we (your brothers and sisters) will be the rocks you can lean on in your times of need. We are always here for you, if only you look to your sides. May the gentle breeze surround you at all times, and know that I am always with you.

Comment by Carabella on June 14, 2009 at 11:32am: thank you des, really powerful...touched me deeply. i know i'll never truly be alone. even with whats happened...i know cam will always be by my side. i know you are always gonna be my brother. & kodi my sister. i have a family i need to open my eyes to, and hold close...and most of all i need to learn when to ask for help. i love you all so much and appreciate all the support....and hope i can be just as good as a friend to you all. all my love.

Comment by Cameron S. on June 14, 2009 at 10:41am: I feel des said it well so listen to it