I was raised catholic, but hated going to church...I never felt a connection with God. I thought it was a phase I would just get through but then I started questioning, and that was looked down upon. I started researching and I found wicca/pagan and at first I was excited, but then it felt a little tree hugery to me. I've always had an amazing connection with animals, particularly my cat, who I plan to make my familiar. I feel there is a connection to the Goddess for me. However, I feel nervous when I speak to her. I feel judged and I know I should not, I come to her now, leaving one belief behind, yet I feel self conscious. My belief is unquestionable, but will she accept me? I've heard stories where shes sought out different people, but I have found her. I'm going to be doing a morning meditation everyday to work harder at letting my shield down. Has anyone else felt like this, and is there anything else I can do to strengthen my relationship to the Goddess? I'm drawn to the night... nothing feels better then moon light and a cool breeze across my face. I feel shielded and protected, an all around since of calm. Also, I'm an insomniac and have the most energy during the night. I know this is the path for me be I'm scared. There's soooo much to learn, sometimes I feel overwhelmed.
Have you thought of this? Instead of looking to find face with The Goddess, allow her to find face within you as you go out into the night and simply are who you are. Many times we people are trained to look toward the authority figure and everything we can learn to find all the answers instead of allowing the authority figure to rein throughout our lives. The Goddess casts you vibes of judgement because she does not want you to let your shield down to be her slave or servant, she longs to live vicariously through you in all your interaction in life. The vibes of judgement are sent because you are not being right. So instead of taking the Catholic approach to serving your master by always throwing everything on her to look for support, go out and live and also do not forget to pay her respects through ceremony as you do not have to look to her idolistically. When i say go out and live i know that in this society we come across a tight bind of restraint that tends to keep people in places where escaping the bondage of their self is seemingly impossible so i do have to say, we Wiccans definitely need a retreat. As long as Wicca remains a solitary practice with small groups here and there we will all be left abandoned by society which does no good for our emotional well being so leaving the Christians to live within their own mad world is definitely the right thing to do. The tree hugging aspect of Wicca you described exists within you, trees are our elders as Human Beings and deserve the respect they need as we are Earthen Vessels. Wicca and Witchcraft both fall hand in hand together. There is a craft within Wicca that falls into place within you where being you is exactly the chemistry of love and excitement The Mother Goddess prefers to find face in rather than you looking for direction from her. She will give you direction in what you do, meaning in your moments and times. So instead of seeking to establish a relationship with her during ceremony, praise her for finding face in you while you are out and about and build the relationship with her!