Coming out....

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kodi Jimenez on January 28, 2010 at 5:47am

My relationship started online too. It's not a bad thing, and for some that's the best way to go when first entering a relationship for the first time. It's not wrong for you to wake up in the middle of the night wet. I longed for that also, for as long as I can remember. Now I have it because I took a chance and put myself out on a limb for someone whom I thought I loved. You do not sound like a deprived girl, you just sound like someone who needs to be loved by another.

Permalink Reply by Tammy Sweet on January 28, 2010 at 11:50am

But what about the physical needs, did you long for that to. Am I wrong for wanting to talk about how to deal with that? Some times I feel so guilty because I want to do things with my self but I am scared that if I start I wont be able to stop. Thats on my mind so much it drives me crazy. Some times I have to wear a pad so my cloths dont get soaked. I dont know why Im telling you this, Im sure your signifacent other wont like me telling you these things.

Permalink Reply by Kodi Jimenez on January 29, 2010 at 1:39pm

Yes I did. And you're not wrong to want to talk about that, or how to deal with it. Why do you feel guilty about it? Is it because you think that masturbation is evil or wrong in some way? Well I can tell you it isn't. But it also makes things much worse for the longings that you have. I'm talking from experience there. And as for my significant other, she is willing to help you too, she wants you to try to find somebody, we just have very few friends to talk to and try to help you with. We aren't the most social people, and neither are our friends.

Permalink Reply by Tammy Sweet on January 29, 2010 at 2:51pm

I guess I feel guilty about it because Ive allways been told that its wrong and dirty. How would it make the longings I have worse? Just thinking about touching my self makes me wet..I cant belive Im saying this. How can I find some one when I cant even let people know that I want a girl and not a man. if I was willing to masturbate how would I start, what would I do and how would I do it. Its all very confusing. I wish I had another female here that would show me and be gental about it. I dontwant to be tied up or any thing. Tell your signifacent other that I very happy she wants to help and please thank her so much from me.

Permalink Reply by Kodi Jimenez on February 3, 2010 at 6:41pm

Okay, I will send you a message that explains masturbation in general, the only reason that I won't go into it in detail here is because I am a very private person and I will be telling you how to go about it the way that I did it, and it may be an easy thing to do for you, and then again, it might not. You never know until you try. It's not wrong or dirty in any way, and the way that it might make your longings for a woman's touch worse is that you don't have someone to share that love and desire with, and just knowing that will make you think about it more and more, making you want it and crave it so much more. At least that's how it went for me. And I will tell her what you said.

Permalink Reply by Trevor Hoen on April 23, 2011 at 9:27pm

I came out about a year and a half ago. It was a pretty traumatic experience for me. The day I chose to come out, was actually the day I was beginning the grieving process, for the ("straight") boy I had been with for over 2 years, when he decided to stop loving me. We were never an item or anything, but we were always with each other. He was my first kiss, among other things. We ended on pretty bad terms. I hadn't seen him for a year after he moved out of a house next store to mine, and I had just finished visiting him; which is when I realized that our love had broken apart. I don't know that it was love on his end of things, but he claimed to be straight, so you never know. He also never gave explanation for his feelings, so I was left very distraught and confused.

It was a warm summer day, and I was headed back from his house. ( a two hour drive) my dad had picked me up, and I spent the entire car trip in almost complete silence. I was so torn inside. Once we got home, I went straight for my room. My parents asked me if I wanted to go with them to my Grandpa's, and I said I was tired, so I stayed. Within 15 minutes of them leaving, I realized how truly torn I was about religion, (being a gay Christian) about my heartbreak, and about the secret I had been keeping for so long. I ended up heading over to my Grandpas, but stopping at the river to take a quick dip. Quite honestly though, the reason I went in the water, was because I was hoping to drown. I dove into the dark, cold river water, and told myself amidst being under, 'you either have to take your life, or come out to the parents.' So I started to allow myself to sink into the water, and then decided I would tell them.

I drove the rest of the way to my Grandpas, and to make a long story 'a little' shorter; I was very emotional, and ended up going into the bathroom, and cried. When I came out, my mom noticed my eyes, and asked me what was wrong. And after 25 minutes of not being able to answer her, because of the shame I felt, I drove home with her, and told her to wait inside our trailer. I found my diary and turned the page to a passage that breached my sexual orientation. (gay) I handed her the book, and then threw the covers of the trailer bed over my head. It was excruciatingly painful for me. After she read it, she asked a couple questions, and then I asked if I could go to sleep. So she went back to my Grandpa's and I went to my room to try and sleep things off. I spent the next 3 hours, mostly crying.

Then, later that week, my dad, whom happened to be drunk, said he wanted to talk to me. I immediately knew what it was. He brought me to his bedroom and had this long lecture about how he loved me no matter what; repeating most everything 3 or 4 times. We both cried together, and I thought things were on good terms.

I spent the next 6 months in deep, isolated depression. I hadn't come out to any of my friends, and I was so confused about whether God loved and accepted me. Really, I hadn't accepted myself yet . I just knew that things weren't changing and I needed to do 'something' about it. After the 6 months had passed, I slowly started coming out to friends, and almost all my friends were more than accepting of me. By the time summer came along, I decided to go on a quest of self discovery - a personal metamorphosis. I really did change over the summer, and began to accept myself more and more. I even watched a movie called Prayers for Bobby, that helped validate things between God and I. That movie tore me into emotional shreds.

A year and a half after my coming out to my parents went by with almost no acknowledgment/discussion's of my sexual orientation. In fact, they even pretended I was straight during that time. Eventually the time came for my conservative Christan father to have "the talk" with me; the one even more difficult than the sex one some straight kids get. It pretty much turned into a debate, and I had to justify myself to him. I did the best I could, and was proud of myself for standing up for myself, and knowing my shit. (haha) But in the end, he believed it was wrong, and that I needed to try and change.

Things are very different now. He claims to love me equally prior to coming out, and says that my sexual orientation doesn't matter, but I can see in his eyes, when he looks at me with my painted nails, my makeup, and my unique sense of style, he sees his little sinner son. I know that's awful to say, but that's how I feel he sees me. We don't talk very much anymore, but I love him dearly. My mom didn't have much to say on the matter. There's been a few unpleasant moments with her, such as when she asked me to not wear makeup on her Birthday, but she's been pretty good about things now.

And I'll leave the story there. There's obviously more, such as the present and whatnot, but this is good for now. <3

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