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dead baby jokes
i know its really wrong but u have to admit lols
brought to u by http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/dbj_004.htm
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying in a ditch?
Phil.
What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
One is legal to hit with an AX.
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.
What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead!
What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
They're fun to ride until they die.
What's blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
What's red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off again.
Why didn't they crucify baby Jesus?
I don't know why they didn't either.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
How do you stop a baby from choking?
Take your dick out of its mouth.
What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
You don't have to bleed the golden delicious apple before you take a bite out of it
What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
What's worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first ?
To see the expression on it face!
What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
Sandy.
Why did the baby fall off the swing?
Because it had no arms or legs.
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.
What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.
What do vegetarian ogres eat?
Cabbage patch kids.
What's red, screams and goes around in circles?
A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don't get second looks when you're writing with a felt tip marker!
What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
A watermelon floats.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter
What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?
Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day?
You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a
bouquet of roses up his ass.
What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A Pedophiles ass.
What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?
Making a bong out of it
What's the safest way to play with a baby ?
With a condom.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
What's the difference between a lamp and a dead baby?
It's really easy to turn on a lamp.
What's small, and shiny, and blue?
A baby with a plastic baggy over its head.
What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
How do you get a baby out of a tree?
You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a piñata!
What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
What do you call a 30week-old preemie?
An Appetizer.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
Matt.
How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
.What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
What wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
An inside out baby!
When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
What's pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
In case of a stillbirth, soup.
What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.
What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.
What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom.
What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.
What happens when you burn baby's face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
Art.
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children's playground!
What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
A Freeloader.
What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?
An erection.
What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.
What's pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.
How do you make a baby cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
What's the best sound in the world?
Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!
What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.
What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
What's blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun
What's sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
Sexy.
What's the worst thing about fucking a dead baby?
Wiping the blood stains off of your clown suit!
How do you spoil a baby?
Leave it out in the sun.
Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
It was hit by a truck.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
brought to u by http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/dbj_004.htm
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying in a ditch?
Phil.
What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
One is legal to hit with an AX.
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.
What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead!
What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
They're fun to ride until they die.
What's blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
What's red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off again.
Why didn't they crucify baby Jesus?
I don't know why they didn't either.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
How do you stop a baby from choking?
Take your dick out of its mouth.
What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
You don't have to bleed the golden delicious apple before you take a bite out of it
What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
What's worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first ?
To see the expression on it face!
What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
Sandy.
Why did the baby fall off the swing?
Because it had no arms or legs.
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.
What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.
What do vegetarian ogres eat?
Cabbage patch kids.
What's red, screams and goes around in circles?
A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don't get second looks when you're writing with a felt tip marker!
What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
A watermelon floats.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter
What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?
Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day?
You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a
bouquet of roses up his ass.
What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A Pedophiles ass.
What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?
Making a bong out of it
What's the safest way to play with a baby ?
With a condom.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
What's the difference between a lamp and a dead baby?
It's really easy to turn on a lamp.
What's small, and shiny, and blue?
A baby with a plastic baggy over its head.
What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
How do you get a baby out of a tree?
You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a piñata!
What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
What do you call a 30week-old preemie?
An Appetizer.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
Matt.
How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
.What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
What wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
An inside out baby!
When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
What's pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
In case of a stillbirth, soup.
What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.
What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.
What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom.
What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.
What happens when you burn baby's face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
Art.
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children's playground!
What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
A Freeloader.
What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?
An erection.
What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.
What's pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.
How do you make a baby cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
What's the best sound in the world?
Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!
What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.
What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
What's blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun
What's sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
Sexy.
What's the worst thing about fucking a dead baby?
Wiping the blood stains off of your clown suit!
How do you spoil a baby?
Leave it out in the sun.
Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
It was hit by a truck.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
Comment
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Comment by BlueMoonWater on February 2, 2009 at 5:09pm
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No one said you have to be sorry, I personally dont care how you feel about it I just stated my opinion like you did. If you read something that you think is funny then thats your choice to repost it but if it's something that could offend someone as much as I know it offended me. Be ready to get comments. I actually do have humor but when it comes to me being a mother of two children and one on the way and one son that I held in my arms while he left this world, you are damn right I'm going to comment. It is a free country like you said, just as it is free for you to say shit like that it is free for others to tell you what they think. If you cant handle that maybe you shouldn't have posted it.Not trying to be an ass, just a mother and I cant block that out and laugh at shit like that.
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Comment by Stella on February 2, 2009 at 4:24pm
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oh and for all u ass holes! IM NOT FUCKING SORRY!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES ITSONLY A JOKE I DIDNT EEN CREATE THEM! FUCKING ASS HOLE TWATS I CAME HERE CUZ I THAUGHT THERE WERE PPL WITH HUMOR AND I COULD FINALLY HAVE A PLACE TO GO ON THE INTERNET THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT HASNT SO FAR SEXTUALLY HARASED ME OR ANYTHING! I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE A FREEKY JOKE IDC IF U DONT LIKE IT IM NOT MEAN UNLESS YOU ARE BEEINGASSES! I CAN EXPRESS MY TYPE OF HUMOR ANY WAY I PLEASE IM AN AMERICAN AND I CAN SAY WHATEER MY FUCKING MIND TELLS ME TO SAY WITH OR WITHOUT BEING INOPROPRIET! ITS NOT LIKE THIS IS A COMPANY! UR ALL JERKS! *she ran away crying and hid in her closet... i guess ill finish her post... im her boy friend and she deffinatly loves kids. she loves my son michael, and she never has harmed even a fly shes just got a twisted mind*
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yes i totly agree with you on this thanks for making me feel unlike a jerk i just honest to god thaught it was funny cuz no one takes jokes seriously as to what i thought... but of course i would never act on it! i have a step sone my self!
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Comment by TRISH-PIPER on February 2, 2009 at 2:24am
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i agree with everyone's thought's on this!!! i have a 18 month old baby girl, and i think this was a disgusting thing to post...drunk or not!.. not nor never will be funny!
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Thats really sick of someone to write that and to repeat it and think it's funny is as bad if not worse. I had a baby that passed away when he two weeks old, have some respect for the deceased, a helpless child especially.
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Comment by Lil_Raven on January 31, 2009 at 6:12pm
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I am totally offended by this post...I am stunned that anyone would wirte this stuff..but even more stunned that someone else would repost it somewhere else...all I can say is it takes a sick person to find humor in this
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