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I wanted to get out of Lloyd and I did now I'm here in Banff and really I want to run away again.. It's not what I had hoped it would be, I figured I'd make tons of friends here and love my job. But here I am feeling second par to the other girls here and frusterated and anxious about my new job. And it's not just new job jitters, I enjoyed it at first but now that I know what I'm doing I can't stand it, I feel so run down all the time. I've gained so much weight in the past few months and I have a feeling my depression is sneaking its way back into my life. I can't find the peace that I wanted so much. I want to feel accepted and in harmony with my surroundings, I find I can't do what most the people here can do I'm so out of shape I miss out on alot of outdoor activities. How can you get in shape if the only things to do in this town are extreme sports that I can't possibly accomplish. I don't want to admit to my family and friends that I'm not settled here, I don't want to go back. I don't want to change where I am I want to change who I am. Why can't I be like everyone else? Super outgoing and fit and happy I just can't see why I can't have that life too... I've tried soo hard all my life to be a skinnier me but I have never seen success. Literally all my life has been dieting, I'm sick of being different I want to be normal, and wear normal clothes be able to do activities without being hindered. I figured this move would change everything, but in reality it's just made my life a lot harder.

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Comment by Ashleigh on February 25, 2010 at 10:11pm
Awe Carabella! I havent been on since I posted this comment and I've just read this now. If only I had read it sooner it probably would have made that time of my life a bit easier. Thank you for such a wonderful comment I miss what I had on here and I miss everyone on here and Im hoping to get back into things. Banff was a good thing for me in the long run, it took me away and I took paths that were not good ones for me and helped me realize where I do want to be. I am back where I should be emotionally, it took me a lot longer than I had hoped but here I am! I really do appreciate this message it certainly puts a big smile on my face!
Comment by Carabella on May 22, 2009 at 6:34pm
Its called "endurance" my friend. I'm a big girl too...but I'm pretty active and can keep up with everyone else pretty easily. Its not about dieting, its about staying very active. Don't settle into depression, its definitely an easier sweater to snuggle down into...but it gets super itchy and uncomfy after a while. It seems you are itching a bit already. CONQUER IT! You are one strong ass person I can tell just by how in tune you are with your emotions. You need to find the motivation within...you got there like you wanted to...where is the motivation that did that for you? Find it again. Use Gaia as an example. People that I like to call, DESTRUCTOSAPIENS, destroy her all the time...she keeps going, keeps evolving into even more beauty. If needed she puts up barriers in evolution to protect what she fears will be destroyed. You are her image, use that.

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